Vulnerable

I know it seems I've kind of backed off from social media and my own website. Due to several situations, I plunged into a terrible downward spiral of my confidence. I will explain: 

It all started almost two years ago.  When I was consistently criticized for using crowd funding to release Fire in the Rainstorm.  I did it anyway, and was successful.  I did not have to go completely into debt to release the album.  So many of you opened your heart to help, and I cannot thank you enough. The seeds of doubt were sown.  Then, something so ridiculously devastating to my ego, happened.  I was crushed, and melted.  I felt so alone, and looked over. I even felt that what happened to me was my own fault.  That somehow I offended my music friends, and that I deserved what was happening to me. I felt worthless, afraid, jealous and angry. I thought that some of the mistakes I made were coming back as Karma to slap me around and it was all my fault, because I treated a few people poorly. 

woman_crying_1.jpg

worthless, AFRAID, jealous, Angry

Was this Karma? 

 

I am a creative croissant type as my husband would say, I am very sensitive to things, and when this happened, I was devastated beyond my comprehension. At first, I was really angry - I could not understand why I was not chosen to join my friends.  Then I thought, wow, I must really suck, and that drove my creativity into the ground. Everything came to a grinding halt.  I was at my darkest moment. Prior to this I emailed one of my friends and asked her directly: Why? She explained to me, and I took little comfort.  I agonized about why no one else called me to explain, then I talked to my friend Will, and I realized that this was not about me or anything to do with my talent or non talent.  It was something that came together at the right time for them. 

I told my husband about how I was feeling, mourned and complained.... what a good man to listen to me.  I explained why it struck me.  He understood, and then told me what I already knew, which was this is nothing to do with you.  Your friends just had a crazy cool opportunity and it worked out really well.  

As time passed, my heart still hurt, but I came to know it was nothing I've done in the past, it just was a beautiful moment in time for my friends.  I still wanted to be angry, but that would be wrong and stupid of me to carry that about in my heart.. and it would not be good for me.  I was able to let go of all the fear, the anger, and replaced that with love, and happiness for my friends. 

Then, I had a few run ins with some Facebook "friends", which caused me to delete and block them from my page - and it really bugged me and caused me to think again it was about me - its not. Its all on them.  2017 was a tough year for me - in many ways - but it also has been very good too.  Why is it, that the negative always is tougher to work through?  

REFLECTION:  Earlier this year, I had a fantastic concert opportunity with Lisa Downing and Liz Story at SOKA University, I went to LA for Grammy week and met Lindsey Wagner, and many other wonderful friends I met for the first time.  

Lindsey Wagner and Kori 

Lindsey Wagner and Kori 

Kori at the Global Peace Song Awards in LA

Kori at the Global Peace Song Awards in LA

Nicki Kris, me and Jennifer Thomas

Nicki Kris, me and Jennifer Thomas



In spite of what has occurred, I've been taking marketing classes from Leah McHenry, and her knowledge has/is a breath of fresh air.  This Summer of 2017, was a time a wonderful connections back east.  Our family flew to Connecticut and rented an RV, and had 2 weeks of bliss.  It caused such a stir spiritually and emotionally, that I have 3 albums I am working on.  First is a Christmas album, which 2018 will be the year I will be working on it.  Second, is an electronic album - which will be dedicated to Ann McCaffrey, third album will be mostly solo piano.  

I realize now that I should never have allowed those things to take me down so hard.  NOW I am working on uploading songs weekly on Mondays onto YouTube and on Facebook. I am also going to do live videos on Thursdays of my rehearsal times. 

Stay tuned for 2018 - because exciting things are coming!  

Love you all...

k





 

Kori Carothers

Kori Linae Carothers, 27758 Santa Margarita Parkway #407 , Mission Viejo, CA 92691

A musician's path to her/his muse is sometimes an easy one. Other times, it is filled with potential pitfalls or unexpected obstacles. Kori Linae Carothers faced just that when, during a kindergarten health screening at the age of 5, it was discovered she was deaf in her left ear. Her young peers found out and the teasing began. In addition, throughout elementary and high school, Kori was constantly told she would never become a musician. Undeterred, she kept learning and practicing, never surrendering her dream. Despite these discouragements, Carothers was passionate about her calling and now, years later, she is an acclaimed pianist and keyboard player with four albums to her credit. Clearly, she is an example of a person following her muse with courage, humor, and determination. - Bill Binkelman